Nov 9, 2021
Not long ago, I was in a tight spot with money. This happens from time to time as an entrepreneur and almost anyone for that matter. For me, when I get into this kind of anxiety that somehow I am going to ignite in flames, I have ruined my life, or soon everyone is going to discover I am a fraud and in a few short weeks, I will find myself living in a van down by the river. There is this overwhelming sense of perfectionism that I experience in this. That I must be doing better than I am currently. That because I am experiencing these challenges something is wrong with me. Which is compounding the intensity, anxiety, and the problem itself.
When I was sharing this with a friend she recommended a book, Adult Children of Alcoholics Fellowship Text. The book opens with the Laundry List. After reading the Laundry List I realized that the anxiety and pain I had been feeling was not my own. The pattern and voice in my head that was telling me I was a failure was not my own reality, but a story I was telling and a pattern I had learned. Recognizing this for the first time helped me understand the meaning of the words generational trauma.